The Wedding Gift of All Time

What I enjoy most about being an author is taking part in book festivals and other public venues, like book signings and workshops. This is where I meet people from all backgrounds and interest areas and can engage them in wonderful conversations. People invariably tell me stories, which I consume with relish. We all have fascinating stories to tell. I wish more people would believe this. So many of us dismiss or belittle our life experiences, however, I, for one, am on a personal mission to convince people to write their stories down before they are lost to their families and to history.

At a recent book festival in northern Minnesota (Northwoods Art and Book Festival),I got my usual “fix” from the stories of the attendees, including how letters changed their lives, or provided a key bit of information that filled in a missing piece in their family genealogy (I have my own story about this which I will share in a future blog). But one story from that day sticks out in my memory the most, and because it is such a fantastic idea, I felt the need to share it with you here in case you might be inspired to do something similar in your own family.

Most people who marry receive the usual wedding gifts from loved ones: money, a new blender, silverware, linens, quilts, kitchen gadgets, and other similar offerings. However, a Bookfest attendee told me about a couple she knows who decided to take a different approach. Rather than create a wedding gift registry, they asked their loved ones and friends to send them a handwritten letter in lieu of a gift. No muss, no fuss, just one personal letter per person. In so doing, the couple not only were saving their friends and loved ones from the stress and expense of finding, buying, and sending gifts, but they’d receive hundreds of one-of-a-kind, irreplaceable treasures instead. After all, letters continue to be one of the most highly personal, authentic, inexpensive, meaningful, kind, and rare gifts of all time.

I’d bet there was a degree of panic among some who received the invitations. I am imagining them saying out loud, “Oh no! Really? I must write something by hand?”

This discomfort is understandable given that most people haven’t written a letter in years, if ever. Some may be insecure or embarrassed about their cursive writing, spelling, or grammar. But if I could, I’d assure all of them that the happy couple did not care one wit about any of that. What they wanted, clearly, was to receive something completely different than material goods. What they wanted was a unique portrait of their loved ones, something that could stay with them forever, grammatical mistakes and all. Letters have a way of capturing the true personality, unique voice, and caring words of people—more than a video or voice recording ever could.  

And I am guessing that when push came to shove, the invitees got over their fears and simply started writing, surprising themselves with what they produced at the end of the process and with how good it felt to give such a meaningful gift.

I am also imagining that married couple, or their children, 25 or 50 years from now, when they retrieve these letters from a box in a closet and read them again. No doubt, the memories of the day and the people in attendance will wash over them like a tsunami. The long ago passed on family members and friends will come to life again, and their hearts will be filled with a feeling of gratitude for the presence of such loving, articulate,and witty souls in their lives. These letters will surely become one of the treasures of their lifetimes—all made possible by a small investment of time and effort.

Imagine how we could use this same idea for other happy occasions – birthday parties, anniversaries, retirement parties, Christmas. The list goes on.

So, my dear readers, let’s reimagine gift giving while saving the art of letter writing at the same time. Let’s encourage others to dust off their pens and dig deep within themselves to express what’s in their hearts and souls. Physical gifts are often forgotten with time, used for a while then thrown away, or re-gifted. Letters, on the other hand, are a forever reminder of who we are, why we love who we love, what matters most to us, and how we’d like to be remembered.  

And so, I will gently remind you, do write that special letter now, and forever change a life!